Broken
by AimeeLynn33
Summary: This will a be a reunion fic for Elliot and Olivia. It set about three years after Elliot left the squad.
1. Chapter 1

So I haven't wrote a Bensler fanfiction in a while. I've been having a SVU marathon and I miss them together. I wrote this story a while ago before there was Noah so he's not in the story. It's after Liv was kidnapped.

Each chapter there is going to be different song. I've never done a story like this before Let me know what you think.

 **Broken**

 _Olivia Apartment_

Olivia's on vacation and is annoyed Cragen made her take it. She sits on her couch listening to music and drinking wine trying to forget all the cases that stay with her far too long. Each case gets harder and harder to leave her. Olivia wonders when it's all going to be too much and leave SVU. Nothing been the same since he left. Everything went shit, She got abducted and the only person she thought of was him and she wanted him to come save her. Fuck she should be thinking about him. She means nothing to him not anymore. He didn't even tell her he was leaving she had to hear from Cragen. Did twelve years mean nothing. Twelve years of looks, pain, laughs, and feelings she still can't name. It broke her...he broke her.

A Kelly Clarkson comes on the radio and she listens to the words

 ** _I wonder how your body tastes_**

 ** _Inside of someone else's place_**

 ** _Pull away your eyes, there's nothing left to heal_**

 ** _I'm alone but I know everything you feel_**

Yeah I wonder...Fuck I shouldn't be thinking of him like this. He's an ass that what she needs to remember. He doesn't care and neither does she. Sometimes when she's laying in bed she sees those piercing blue eyes. The ones that could always see through her facade like no one else ever could. She sighs.

 ** _And you waited on the rain_**

 ** _Through tears my heart is caged_**

 ** _And we fall through fate_**

 ** _And we rise and rise again_**

 ** _And I run, run, run, run, run_**

 ** _And I run, run, run, run, run_**

 ** _I run, run, run, run, run_**

 ** _I just run, run, run_**

She laughs she was the one who always ran but she's not the only one right El. After Gitano everything changed and shook her to her core. She still remembers it like it was yesterday. The tears falling and they stare at each other not breaking eye contact. Then at the hospital when he walked away after saying _"you and this job are all I have left"_ well that fucked her up. She ran to Computer Crimes and then to Oregon. If she thought leaving would make her forgot what she felt for him she was so wrong. She doesn't let herself miss people but she missed him so much like she does now. Damnit...why the fuck is she still listening to this song? She continues to listen.

 ** _Tell me how you closed the door_**

 ** _Knowin' nobody could love you more_**

 ** _Tellin' all your friends that this love_**

 ** _Was just made for bleedin'_**

 ** _Hung up underwater but still we keep on_**

 ** _Tryin' to breath in_**

He closed the door when he left without so much as a goodbye. She understands why he left. She's thought of leaving so many times. She wished he just said goodbye. Maybe it was payback for not telling him when she left. But she couldn't say goodbye to him. It hurt too much. He's probably enjoying retirement with his family while she's alone. She always be alone. She didn't love Brian and was glad it was over. She was just trying to fill a void. She doesn't think it will ever be filled. She hates that she still thinking of him even after these last 3 years.

 ** _And you waited on the rain_**

 ** _Through tears my heart is caged_**

 ** _And we fall through fate_**

 ** _And we rise and rise again_**

 ** _And I run, run, run, run, run_**

 ** _And I run, run, run, run, run_**

 ** _I run, run, run, run, run_**

 ** _I just run, run, run_**

 ** _Our lust for fightin'_**

 ** _Tied up in silence_**

She smiles...they fought a lot. There is so much she should of said to him. But the feelings she had for him scared the living shit out of her. When things got complicated she ran. This time he ran and her heart hasn't been the same. Fin catches her sometimes when she staring out into space and she knows he knows exactly what she is thinking about it. She knows Fin talks to him but can't ask him how he is. The pain is too much. There is a storm raging outside mimicking her emotions. It's more than lust and she hates herself. He's fucking married. She needs to stop thinking of him.

And you waited on the rain

Through tears my heart is caged

And we fall through fate

And we rise and rise again

And I run, run, run, run, run

 ** _And I run, run, run, run, run_**

 ** _I run, run, run, run, run_**

 ** _I run, run, run_**

 ** _And I run, run, run, run, run_**

 ** _And I run, run, run, run, run_**

 ** _I run, run, run, run, run_**

 ** _I just run, run, run_**

 ** _Our lust for fightin'_**

 ** _Tied up in silence_**

As the song ends tears are running down her face. The last thought before sleep claims her is...

 _I love you El...I miss you_

 ** _Song is Run Run Run by Kelly Clarkson_**

Should I continue ?


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm an idiot_

That's all he thinks about as he sits in this disgusting bar drinking. It's been three years and she is all he still thinks about. He thought leaving would get him to forget about her but he knew that she would always with him. Retiring from the squad was suppose to make things better and make him happier. But all he thought was mistakes he made. The biggest one was leaving and not telling her. He couldn't tell her because he knew as soon as he looked in her eyes he wouldn't be able to leave her. The same day he retired he gave Kathy divorce papers. He knew it was a mistake to go back to her. He's been living in Manhattan since the divorce was final. Some nights he would just sit outside her apartment in his car watching her window just to get a glimpse. If she knew she probably would shoot him.

He still remembers the last time he saw her at the station. It was after he shot Jenna and he was a fucking mess. As he walked to the elevator he knew he was leaving the squad, leaving her. It was more than just shooting Jenna that caused him to leave. Things were becoming complicated again. He smiles thinking of her word to describe them. Yeah fucking complicated. For so long he denied anything had changed between them. For years and years but then Gitano happen. He still denied to himself anything change but his heart knew everything changed. She fucking ran away to Computer Crimes and then Oregon.

 _She ran away and you ran back to Kathy. Yep you're an ass_

 ** _Some things we don't talk about_**

 ** _Rather do without_**

 ** _And just hold the smile_**

 ** _Falling in and out of love_**

 ** _Ashamed and proud of_**

 ** _Together all the while_**

He still thinking about her when a song comes on and he listens hoping it will help to him forget her. Nope no such luck. Yeah there are many things they never talked about it. Mainly the feelings that were always below the surface. Neither of them admitted and he wonders if they ever will. It went beyond friendship and they both knew it. He hated every boyfriend she ever had. They didn't deserve her, hell he never deserved her. He's made so many mistakes leaving her was the worst. She probably hates him and she should. He's an asshole but he wants her more than anything.

 ** _You can never say never_**

 ** _While we don't know when_**

 ** _But time and time again_**

 ** _Younger now than we were before_**

She was a part of his life for 12 years and he walked away cause each day it was harder and harder to not touch her. He remembers when Sonja died and he rushed back to see her. He was so scared that it was her that died. When he hugged her he never wanted to let go. That night he went home to Kathy but the whole night he wished it was her that was in his bed. He watched her the next couple days more than he ever had. She said she was fine like she always does but he knew she wasn't. He wonders what she is doing right now. If she out on a date... FUCK

"Language Daddy..."

He looks up to see his oldest daughter with the same smirk he has. She sits next to him.

"Maureen, is something wrong? How did you know I was here?

"I'm fine. I was out when I saw you walk in and wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine." He says. Meanwhile deep inside he's broken an doesn't think he will ever be fixed.

She just looks at him with the same look Kathy has knowing when he's lying.

"No you're not. I can sit here and pretend that everything is fine. But we both know you're not fine and she isn't fine. I think it time for you to see her and stop the bullshit." She states bluntly.

 ** _Don't let me go_**

 ** _Don't let me go_**

 ** _Don't let me go_**

 ** _Don't let me go_**

 ** _Don't let me go_**

 ** _Don't let me go_**

He sighs. He could never lie to Maureen and she know it.

"She won't want to see me."

"You don't know that daddy. You need to tell her how you feel. Enough is enough."

"I don't kn...

"Don't give me that crap. You love her and part of the reason you left the force was because of that. The three years since you retire you haven't been happy. Everyone knows it. Now it's time to get your head out of your ass. "

"She's probably happier with me not being her life. I can't just go over and talk to her after three years. She's forgotten all about me and it better that way. I will not make a mess of her life." He yells

"What if she's not happy? What if she'd just going through the motions?" She states with a knowing look.

"Have you talked to Liv?"

"No Fin. I saw him a couple days ago. He was at the hospital. I asked how she has been doing. Especially after the kidnapping."

The kidnapping...It still makes his blood boil. What he would do to get five minutes alone with that prick. He took all his strength not to go look for her. When Fin called and said she was found and okay he was so relieved. He wanted to see her but he knew she wouldn't want to see him. So he send flowers to her every day for two months.

"How is she?"

"Fin said she has been doing better. Been going to counseling and she knew that it was you sending the flowers. But he said she was sad. Some day's while sitting at her desk she would just stare into space and he knows she was thinking about you." She looks over at him.

"How does he know that? She could be thinking about what the asshole did to her."

"Because she was staring at what use to be your desk. I want you to listen to me. The whole family knows nothing happen between you two when you were married to mom. But you asked for the divorce when you realized your feelings for Liv were stronger. That's fine. Everyone is fine and Mom's happy now. It's you turn to be happy. Liv makes you happy. It's time for both of you to admit how you feel. Do you love her?

 ** _Picture, you're the queen of everything_**

 ** _As far as the eye can see_**

 ** _Under your command_**

 ** _I will be your guardian_**

 ** _When all is crumbling_**

 ** _I steady your hand_**

He listens to what she just said and thinks. Yes he loves her and has for a very long time. But he doesn't know how she feels and the fear of rejection sits in his mind. He wants to love her, protect her, and be her everything.

He looks at Maureen.

"Yes I love her and I have for a long time. I though leaving would make it go away but it didn't. I doubt she feels the same way about me."

"You will never know until you two talk. Like the song says Never say Never. Go see her. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Love you daddy."

"Love you too." He watches her walk out the door.

 ** _You can never say never_**

 ** _While we don't know when_**

 ** _Time, time, time again_**

 ** _Younger now than we were before_**

He looks at his beer and he can't drink anymore. He needs to be of sound mind if he is going to see her. He's always had a plan of how his life was going to go but changed when he met her. He wouldn't let himself think of her of anything other than she was his partner. But the last few years of them working together he let his mind wander and wonder what it would be like to be with her. It scared the shit out of him cause she knows him better than anyone. She has seen the worst and always stood by him an fucking left her. How could she ever forgive him?

 ** _Don't let me go_**

 ** _Don't let me go_**

 ** _Don't let me go_**

 ** _We're falling apart and coming together again and again_**

 ** _We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again_**

He pays for his beer and leaves the bar. He's made his decision. He needs to see her. They really need to talk about everything. So much has happened between them and they never talked about it. That ends tonight. It will be a major fight probably one of their worst but he doesn't care. He needs her in his life and he's going to prove to her that he will never leave again.

He's across her apartment building when he sees her walking. The wind whips her long golden hair around. God she's beautiful. He can tell she's deep in thought by the way her face looks. He crosses the street slowly so he doesn't scare her. Before he reaches her he remembers the song in the bar and all he can think is...

 _Please Liv, don't let me go. Don't let me go._

"Liv..." His voice rings out.

She stops dead in her tracks. Even with the wind he hears the catch in her breath. She hasn't turned around yet and all he can think of is either she is going to curse him out or shoot him. But she does neither. She slowly turns around and she has tears in her eyes. The last time she looked like that was when Gitano had the gun to my head. He screwed up last time and he wasn't going to do that again. They are just staring at each other. He's waiting for her to speak. He needs her to speak, he missed the sound of her voice so much. Finally she speaks...her voice cracks.

"El..." She whispers as the tears fall.

 ** _Song is Never Say Never by The Fray_**


	3. Chapter 3

Here is Chapter 3. Thanks for all the lovely reviews. I am loving writing this story. Hope you like this chapter. :)

It's almost 2am and she is walking the streets of New York. Another night and no sleep. The dream tonight was too real. She was dreaming of him again. It's her own fault, she's been thinking of him too much lately. See this what happens when she is on vacation. She walking through Central Park and goes to sit on a bench. She watches the trees blow and thinks how she ended up here. She looks at sky and the clouds are coming in thick. It's going to storm soon but she can't bring herself to get off the bench and walk home. She thinks about joining SVU and never in her wildest dreams did she think that she would still be there. Some days she thinks of leaving. It's not the same since he left. She knows she needs to let him go but she can't.

After sitting there for what seems like an hour she heads back to her empty apartment. The wind is starting to pick up and she hopes the rain holds off until she gets home. She's almost to her door and all she wants to do is lay down and try to sleep. The she hears the voice she has been thinking about so much lately and can still hear in her dreams.

 _NO it can't be him. Great you are imagining him. Yep you have lost it._

"Liv..." He said softly

She knows he's there. She can feel him, she can always feel him. She can't turn around. The pain she feels begins to mount. Tears start to fall. She tries to breathe. She needs to breathe. He hasn't said anything other and than her name. He's just standing there waiting for her to speak. She takes a deep breath as she turns around. He dresses in jeans and a shirt. God he looks good. Nope can't think like this. He is an ass. She looks in his midnight blue eyes and she is hypnotize. He looks sad an uncertain like he is not sure what she will do.

 ** _Take your eyes off of me so I can leave_**

 ** _I'm far too ashamed to do it with you watching me_**

 ** _This is never ending, we have been here before_**

 ** _But I can't stay this time cause I don't love you anymore_**

 ** _Please stay where you are_**

 ** _Don't come any closer_**

 ** _Don't try to change my mind_**

 ** _I'm being cruel to be kind_**

"El..." That is the only word she has the strength to say. He steps closer to her and she backs away. She can't get to close to him. He's hurt by her movement by the way his eyes darken. He's not saying anything he is just looking at her. Why the hell is he here? He's not talking and her fury rises.

"What are you doing here?" She snaps at him.

He smiles like he knew she would react this way. He takes a deep breath before he speaks.

"I wanted to see you and talk." He says simply.

 ** _I can't love you in the dark_**

 ** _It feels like we're oceans apart_**

 ** _There is so much space between us_**

 ** _Maybe we're already defeated_**

 ** _Ah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah everything changed me_**

The rage in her is rising. She doesn't want to talk she wants to hit him. She tries to calm herself.

"So all of a sudden after three years you finally want to talk. Ohhh lucky me." She yells.

"Liv. Please can we talk. There is so much I have to tell you. I need to explain." He calmly says.

While she rages he is calm. So unlike the man she's known all these years. She can't do this. Even though she wants to know why he left without saying goodbye. She can't listen to him. All she wants to do is run.

"You don't owe me an explanation. You left end of story." She says with no emotion. She turns to head upstairs when she feels him behind her and light grabs her wrist. God he's so close and can feel the his breath on the back her neck.

"I do owe you an explanation. I know you are mad and I understand that. There are more than one reason why I left and you need to hear it. Please Liv. We have been through so much together. Please don't walk away." He whispers in her ear. She doesn't turn around. She won't.

Her voice barely rises.

"You walked away first." She says as she opens the door and heads upstairs.

 ** _You have given me something that I can't live without_**

 ** _You mustn't underestimate that when you are in doubt_**

 ** _But I don't want to carry on like everything is fine_**

 ** _The longer we ignore it all the more that we will fight_**

 ** _Please don't fall apart_**

 ** _I can't face your breaking heart_**

 ** _I'm trying to be brave_**

 ** _Stop asking me to stay_**

When she gets into her apartment she slams the door and slides down it. She closes her eyes and tries to controls her emotions but she can't. The last thing she expected was to see him outside her apartment. She wanted to stay outside and talk to him but she couldn't. The pain is too much. Even though she left him outside she knows he will be back. He is stubborn and unwilling to give up.

 ** _I can't love you in the dark_**

 ** _It feels like we're oceans apart_**

 ** _There is so much space between us_**

 ** _Maybe we're already defeated_**

 ** _Ah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah everything changed me_**

 ** _We're not the only ones_**

 ** _I don't regret a thing_**

 ** _Every word I've said_**

 ** _You know I'll always mean_**

 ** _It is the world to me_**

 ** _That you are in my life_**

 ** _But I want to live_**

 ** _And not just survive_**

She lays in her bed trying to will herself to sleep but she is so keyed up. She turns on her side and looks out the window listening to sounds of the city she loves. This is what she wanted for the last three years. To see him and to touch him. She walked away. When he grabbed her wrist all she wanted to turn around but she couldn't. She knew she would of crumbled if she looked into his eyes. Damn him for still being on her mind. She closes her eyes and all she sees his face as she falls asleep.

 **Song is Love In The Dark by Adele**


End file.
